Vandalism at New City of Elroy Building

by Anna Straight

Recently a rash of vandalism at the new City of Elroy building has put two of the city’s workers at wits end. It appears that vandals have been uprooting one of the plants in the front of the building and leaving a mess for both Carole Brown and Lynn Thorson to clean up every morning.

However, Carole Brown solved the case as she arrived at work one morning by 7:30 am to find the bird-brain vandals in action. The old saying “Birds of a Feather Stick Together” couldn’t be truer in this case. Brown found three cranes wreaking havoc on the poor defenseless plant. She took photo evidence of the case and posted it to Facebook to calm the widespread fear that was going around Elroy. Well, maybe not so widespread, because nobody really knew about it or have any fear at all in this case, because ...nobody knew about it.

Speculation as to why these vandals are terrorizing the poor plant has been anyone's guess. Some say that they are early risers and have been waiting at the city building to apply in person for the vacant jobs, but they just can’t wait around until the building opens at 8 am and that frustration is getting the better of them, thus take out their frustrations on that poor plant. Former City Administrator Mark Steward thinks that the cranes may be missing him. This ace reporter thinks that Steward may be onto something and that the cranes are protesting. I believe that the cranes are protesting the fact that former City Administrator Mark Steward, former Administrative Assistant Amy Schroeder and retired City Attorney Bill Jefferson have left and they miss all of those employees.

At the time that this story has gone to press, Elroy Police Department has not returned my phone calls about this case. Well mainly because I never even attempted to call them. EVER.
The victim - this poor plant has suffered numerous times at the hands - or beaks - of the perpetrators causing city crews to clean up daily messes. Circumstantial or obvious evidence? You decide

As one Smart Egg, this reporter believes there will be no charges filed against these vandals because after all they are just birds and would be considered a “flight risk!” Anna Straight, reporting live from the City of Elroy building.
Stay safe Elroy!